


The Apostate Rogue

by radvsblue



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II
Genre: Non-Binary Hawke - Freeform, Non-binary character, Other, Secret Identity, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-08 04:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4291491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radvsblue/pseuds/radvsblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"There's a lot of templars in Kirkwall, mother."</i>
</p><p>Hawke is a mage. An apostate mage. Dangerous enough on its own, but living in Kirkwall increases his risks of getting caught. And if he gets caught, his family's in trouble. He can't let that happen, so he'll hide. Learn how to get by without magic and keep it secret to keep them safe.</p><p>Question is, how long can he keep it up?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue (Part One)

Hawke wasn't allowed to mourn.

When Malcolm died, his mother and siblings were wrecks for weeks. It had been unexpected and they didn't know how to cope with it. But Hawke knew that if he mourned, there would be nothing left for his family. Their crops would die and they would have nothing. So he didn't, and he made sure that they were taken care of while they mourned, all the while trying his best to cope with the loss of his father while ignoring it.

Now, Bethany was dead too. And it was all his fault, but he couldn't think about that. He had to make sure his mother and Carver were safe, get them to Kirkwall and away from the blight. Even when they were on the ship and relatively safe for the time being, he couldn't allow himself to dwell on the death of his sister. Instead, he focused on some of the words they said while they were running from darkspawn.

_"There's a lot of templars in Kirkwall, mother."_

Hawke needed to come up with a plan to deal with this, to keep his family safe. Bethany was dead and it was his fault, but it would be in vain if he couldn't keep the rest of his family safe. So he avoided his mother, Carver, and Aveline who all needed to mourn, and he started to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Hawke only goes by their surname and is nb. Currently, they use he/him pronouns, but if you're going to leave a comment about them I'd appreciate it if you used they/them because they're going to change their pronouns eventually.
> 
> This chapter might be heavily edited later. Any feedback on how I could improve this would be appreciated, and I'm also looking for someone to help me proofread chapters. The second part of the prologue wont be started until I'm able to fix this chapter, but I already know what I want to do with it.
> 
> Also chapters will usually be much longer than this.
> 
> **EDIT 11/07** : This chapter is staying as is. Many helpful people on Tumblr informed me that they prefer this version of the prologue over the second version that I wrote up. If you would like to read the second version of this chapter (which I prefer) it can be found [here](http://radvsblue.tumblr.com/post/123773605474/hey-if-yall-could-do-me-a-favour-and-tell-me).


	2. Prologue (Part Two)

Kirkwall was visible now. It wouldn't be long before they reached the docks and entered the Gallows. Hawke was terrified, worried that they would know, somehow, that he's a mage. He sighs as he looks at the city steadily getting closer as the ship carried on over the waves, and runs his hand through his hair, grimacing at the feel of the damage that two weeks of sea air have done to it.

Hawke looks down at the staff in his hand and sighs again. He'd been pretending to have a limp for the past two weeks and no one had given him a second glance, really, as far as he could tell, but he's certain that he won't be able to get away with that in Kirkwall.

He sighs once more, looks around to make sure no one is watching him, and then he throws his staff overboard. It hurts and he almost regrets it, but keeping Carver and mother safe is much more important than any old staff. Even if it had been given to him by his father.

He turns away from staring out at the waves, ready to go back down below deck to check on his family, but stays put when he notices Carver heading towards him.  
Carver reaches Hawke quickly and stands in front of him silently for a while, looking as if he wants to say something but can't bring himself to. Hawke's used to this and it's a relief to see his brother like this; he hadn't made any attempt to speak to anyone the whole trip. When Carver still doesn't say anything now, Hawke decides to speak up first, hoping that it will help Carver say what he needs.

"Are you feeling better?"

His brother nods, pauses, sighs, then shakes his head.

"Not really, but I'll be fine."

"Carver, it's okay if you need more time. This must be-"

"Stop," Carver says, interrupting him. He looks angry and upset, so Hawke does and hopes that Carver isn't about to start crying. He wouldn't know what to do with a crying Carver.

Hawke doesn't say anything more for a while, but neither does Carver. When it looks like his brother has calmed down, Hawke coughs quietly to get his attention again and then opens his arms slightly. Carver rolls his eyes and acts like he doesn't want it, but he holds on tightly to Hawke for the short period that they hug.  
"We'll be okay," Hawke says after they've pulled away, trying to comfort the other. Carver shakes his head, but he smiles just a bit and that's enough for now. "Come on, let's go check on mother and Aveline."

\- - -

Getting into the city was harder than Hawke was expecting it to be. There had been that man at the docks, who really hadn't wanted to let them in but finally told them to talk with Ewald. Meeting him had been a mess, the other Ferelden refugees attacking when he agreed to find Gamlen for them. Hawke had had no idea what to do with himself during the fight, so he tried his best to keep out of it and stood to the sidelines with his dog for protection.

Aveline, Carver, and the city guards managed to take care of that, and Ewald assured them again that he would find their uncle. Hawke thought that things were finally starting to look up, but that conversation had been three days ago and they haven't seen Ewald or Gamlen since.

Gamlen actually showing up only made things better, when Hawke had been holding onto the hope that everything would be okay once they got in contact with him. But he was doing this for his family, so if indentured servitude would get them into the city, he would agree to it.

"I don't want Carver to be a part of this."

"Hawke, I can-"

"I know that you can take care of yourself, but you're seventeen, Carver! It's bad enough that you went to Ostagar without telling us!"

Carver looks like he's about to protest, but Gamlen clears his throat and directs their attention back to him.

"Doesn't matter what you lot want, anyway," he says, crossing his arms over his chest. "I told 'em that he's a warrior and that you're a mage. They want both of you."

Hawke suddenly felt very cold. Panic was knotting his stomach and making him feel nauseous, he couldn't think of anything to say. He'd had a _plan_. He'd thrown away his staff, damn it! And now everything was ruined, just like that.

"You told them that Hawke's a mage?" Carver asks, getting angry in his brothers defense. "When this city is full of Templars?"

"They needed to know that you lot could bring something to the table, be worth something to them. They promised that they'd be discreet."

"Oh, and we're just supposed to trust their word? They're criminals!"

"Carver," Hawke says, having calmed down enough to find his voice. "It's fine. Let's just... go talk to them. We'll figure this out."

Carver sighs, but follows Hawke as he heads towards where Gamlen said Meeran should be. Aveline walks beside Hawke for a moment to ask if he's alright, but follows behind to stand with Carver when she doesn't get an answer.

They speak with Meeran, then check out Athenril. Despite her words saying that they're not slavers, Hawke just doesn't feel comfortable with that line of work, so they decide to talk with Meeran again. Not that mercenary work is much better.

Besides, Carver seemed more comfortable around Meeran and wanted to learn to talk like him.

They find their mark and Hawke looks around to make sure the place is empty and closed off well enough. He doesn't let the man finish talking before he's engulfing him and and his guards in flames. It's been a while since he used magic because of all that time on the ship, and even though he doesn't have a staff to help channel it, the fire burns hot enough to kill them quick.

When no one else shows up, they head back to report to Meeran, Carver grumbling that he didn't get to do anything and it wasn't fair.

Meeran was pleased with their work and said he'd make sure to get all of them into Kirkwall. Hawke stopped him before he could head off.

"You seem like a smart man, so I'm sure you know this, but my being a mage can't be public knowledge," he says, keeping his voice down in case anyone wandering by overheard them. When Meeran nods, Hawke continues. "And I think it would be best if I learned alternative methods to... deal with people. To keep a low profile. Could that be arranged?"

"I'll have one of my boys help with that. You better be a quick learner, though."

Hawke nods and lets Meeran head off. He was going to make this work. He had to make this work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter hasn't gone through the editing stages yet, but I wanted to post it before I went camping. I'll try to finish getting it cleaned up and refined when I get back and post it ASAP.  
> This is the last part for the prologue, btw.


End file.
